how to break a trauma bond
Freeing Yourself from a Toxic Relationship: Breaking the Trauma Bond
If you're reading this, chances are you're in a tough spot in your relationship. It's not easy, but you can break free from the emotional chains of a trauma bond. Let's dive into it together and find practical ways to regain your sense of self and happiness.
Understanding Trauma Bonds: In some relationships, an intense emotional connection forms with an abusive partner. This bond is called a trauma bond. It keeps you stuck in a cycle of love, fear, and loyalty, even though the relationship is toxic and harmful.
Recognizing the Signs: To start breaking free, it's crucial to recognize if you're in a trauma bond. Look out for these signs:
Emotional rollercoaster: Your relationship feels like a wild ride, with extreme highs and lows that leave you drained and confused.
Isolation: Your partner isolates you from friends and family, making it hard for you to seek support or get a fresh perspective.
Self-doubt: You constantly question your worth, sanity, and judgment because your partner undermines your confidence.
Excusing abuse: You find yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior or hoping they'll change, despite evidence to the contrary.
Fear of leaving: The thought of leaving terrifies you due to threats or fear of being alone.
Breaking the Trauma Bond: Breaking free from a trauma bond takes time and self-care. Here's how you can start the healing process:
Acknowledge the abuse: Admit that your relationship is abusive or toxic. Understand that this parallels the abandonment, abuse or neglect cycle. It is familiar to you and your subconscious recognizes it from earlier attachment injuries. It's not your fault, and you deserve better.
Seek support: Reach out to people you trust, like friends, family, or professionals. They can offer guidance, validation, and a safe space to share your feelings.
Educate yourself: Learn about trauma bonds and abusive relationships. Understanding the dynamics empowers you to make informed choices. Trauma bonding can be likened to addiction theory and intermittent reinforcement. Your brain wants the “payout” the “jackpot” to those times when it was great (the jackpot)! When you think fondly of those times in the past and then feel all “warm and fuzzy” again thinking of them your brain just flooded you with multiple feel-good neurochemicals and this is called: EUPHORIC Recall. Look at what they are doing NOW! Practice mindfulness (stay in the here and now).
Make an “Ick List” or call it what you want. This is a list of things they said or did that hurt you. You need this list so when you have Euphoric Recall you can use your “Ick List” to stop the flooding of addictive neurochemicals from your brain.
Create a safety plan: Develop a plan to protect yourself. Find a safe place to stay, secure your finances, and gather evidence of abuse if necessary.
Set boundaries: Establish clear limits with your partner and communicate them. Be prepared for resistance, but stay firm in prioritizing your well-being.
Focus on self-care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Exercise, meditate, seek therapy, or indulge in activities that bring you joy.
Reduce contact: Gradually cut off contact with your partner. Block their number, unfollow them on social media, or get a restraining order if needed. You must maintain NO CONTACT for 18 months (standard for all addictions) to break your addiction to them.
Heal and rebuild: Give yourself time to heal and process the trauma. Surround yourself with a support network that encourages your growth and offers a nurturing environment.
I know it's tough, but you have the strength to break free from the trauma bond in your relationship. Remember, you deserve respect, love, and happiness. Take one step at a time, and never forget that a brighter future awaits you. You can do this!
